This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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