Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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