Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
