My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
