we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
