we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
