trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Randomize