The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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