did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
