I love black thongs
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
