she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I'm sobbing to NWA
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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