I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
