i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Randomize
