i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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