So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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