I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Randomize
