Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Randomize
