dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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