he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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