I wish I only lived at night.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
