One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
