the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
