bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
