mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Randomize
