we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
