apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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