made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I AM VODKA MAN
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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