It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
