How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize