Me too!
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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