chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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