i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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