We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
