I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I need a beard to bite.
Randomize
