What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
