The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
