Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize