And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
