After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
