dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
