I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
