while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
