Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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