i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
