I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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