i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
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