I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
