I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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