The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
