I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
