I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
