AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
