I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
