new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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