I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
