i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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