why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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