So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
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