So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
