I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
