How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
