i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
