I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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