Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Randomize
