I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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