I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
