Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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