sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
