I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
