my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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