Your face is a jimmy john
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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