we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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