so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
