Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
