I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
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