i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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