Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
