I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Randomize
