Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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