I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
