And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Randomize