I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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