she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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