is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
