Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Found the puke drawer
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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