Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
