How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Randomize
