fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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